31st August, 2018
Following on from an earlier post about clothes, I can't tell you how excited I felt this week when my new Superdry jackets arrived. I actually felt young again. I actually ordered two (half price, you know) so I could choose the exact right colour and finally put a bit more time into my clothes. Even though that means packaging one up and sending it back, a task that can feel like a mountain on a bad day.
Anyway, this morning I thought I would 'brave' trying on my H&M jeans, the pair I used to wear almost daily before I was expecting Isaac, a little bit trendy with rips in the knee and everything ('Mummy, your jeans have got holes in'). And I got in them! Yes, they are tight. Yes, the bit where the rip is stretches quite a lot around the knee - and it's not supposed to. But they are ON. And they are providing such a blessed relief from leggings.
This feels like an inconsequential post but I'm writing about it because I think one of the things that happens after having a baby is that it's so easy to see your own appearance as bottom of the priority list. Nothing fits properly anyway, if it does it gets stained by the end of the morning and when you can't leave the house easily, who can really see you? But, with much hindsight, post-Gracie and post-Isaac, I can see how vital it is to stay trying hard to wear clothes that reflect who you are and make you feel that bit nicer. The hazards inherent in the joggers-and-baggy-t-shirt- look cannot be overstated. These clothes can leave you, already conscious of your extra weight, feeling dumpy and frumpy, with no hope of change, your appearance 'crystallised' as a 'frum' (frumpy mum). And that becomes 'behavioural', as my friend Lisa says. What you do affects how you feel and it all becomes very circular.
So the leggings-and-basic-trainers look I have been sporting for all-too-long now has to go. It'll be replaced with skirts and tights and boots, some brighter colours, things without stripes on, things that feel feminine and fun, and even some pretty things. Because that's a mood-booster and, as I draw closer to Autumn and Winter, and the days gets shorter, I need to feel good. And I need something more than hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows to achieve THAT
Gracie's phrase for yesterday: 'The hot chocolate from Costa is the best one, daddy.' What have we created?